Ode to Josiah

So, recently overheard during a call to Poison Control:

PC Operator: Poison Control, may I help you?

Me: Hopefully. I just discovered my 15-month old son has been chewing on an ant trap.

PC Operator: How is he acting?

Me: Pretty much normally. The only reason I'm concerned is that he brought the trap to me and there was slobber all over the outer casing. I have no idea if he actually sucked on it to get the stuff out or if he was just chewing on the outside.

PC Operator: Usually those traps have a food-based product to attract the ants, and only a small amount of actual poison in them. Do you know what kind of trap it was?

Me: No, we were at our church and he got it out of the kitchen. I don't know what brand they are, but they are the round kind with the flat square base. I've washed his mouth out and his hands and scraped his tongue but I just wanted to be sure that if he did get any of the stuff out that he'd be okay.

PC Operator: Well, from our database and your description of the trap, I think he'll be fine. That particular kind only use about 1% poison to the 99% peanut butter product so even if he did ingest any he should be fine. If he vomits once or twice he should still be okay (Me thinking: WHAT??) and usually the effects either manifest or pass within 2 hours of contact. But feel free to call us back if any symptoms persist after that time.

Me: Okay.

Yep, that was our morning. See if I let him play by himself again any time soon. At least it was my kid . . . if it was someone else's kid they might have gotten upset that the church had those traps out. Needless to say we won't be using that type of ant-killing product anymore at the church . . . and it's getting so cold here that most vermin are dying for the winter anyways.

Kev says this is just the sort of thing I get to look forward to now that I have a boy. Gennie got into her own set of troubles but nothing like this. It still astounds me that I actually have a son. On my mom's side, he's the first male child in more than 70 years. My mom's dad was an only child; mom's mom had one brother (hence the 70 years thing); mom has 2 other sisters; one is not married, one has 3 girls, and mom had 2 girls. Apparently boys just weren't in the cards. When Kev and I came home from the ultrasound and told my mom and dad that we were having a boy, mom just about fell down the garage stairs in her hurry to hug us. Now, even 15 months after he arrived, I still expect to take off his diaper during a change and find that nope, just kidding, it's a girl! (He'll love that when he's older -- I should put this post in his baby book.)

That reminds me of another "overheard conversation," in the hospital room on the day he was born:

Gennie: I can help you change his drawers. Wait, what is that?

Me: That's where his belly button will be. That nasty black thing will fall off and when it's all healed up his belly button will be there instead.

Gennie: No, I mean THAT!!

Me: Oh, um, well, that's his boy parts.

Gennie: Oh. When does that fall off?